How To Deal With Fits Of Jealousy Between Siblings

Even though fits of jealousy may appear occasionally, a child raised in love, respect and contact that his parents needs will be better prepared for the arrival of a little brother or sister.

Seizures of jealousy between siblings are common and normal. For a child who has been an only child for several years, the arrival of a baby who monopolizes the attention of his parents and other adults in the family may take him by surprise.

However, as parents wonder if they will love the second baby as much as the first, for children the concern is the opposite: “Will my parents love me always?” . Doubt may be greater in young children, but it will also be present in older children, and even in adolescents.

Just because sibling fits of jealousy are natural doesn’t mean we should let our children suffer. However, neither can we stop caring for the newborn baby. We need to balance caring for each child and share the love we have for them before everyone feels good and happy.

Prepare children for the arrival of a little brother or sister

The work of dealing with fits of jealousy between siblings begins even before the pregnancy of the second and third babies.

In other words, it begins as soon as the first baby arrives. If we raise our first child with all the love, time, contact and respect he needs, he will be more prepared to share his parents with a newcomer to the family.

Once we inform her that her mom is pregnant, it is necessary to allow the child to be part of the process. The love between brothers and sisters do not arise by itself overnight. It is up to the parents to sow this seed so that it germinates within the framework of daily family life.

Love for his brother or sister is cultivated from pregnancy. So it might be a good thing for the child to attend certain check-ups with the doctor where the baby’s ultrasounds are done. Thus, he will be able to see his brother or his sister.

He can also participate in prenatal stimulation exercises or choose the baby’s first name with his parents. Bringing children closer to their future brother or sister is the responsibility of parents.

When do fits of jealousy between brothers and sisters start

Children need to know that babies are coming to stay. If indeed, during the first months, they monopolize the attention of parents, as they grow up, little by little, they will become playmates.

Even though siblings have a lot of age differences, they can enjoy spaces to share things and bond. In setting up these spaces, the role of parents is essential.

Seizures of jealousy between siblings arise because children wonder what their place is in the family and in the hearts of their parents. This is why the big brother watches over the smaller one, but the reverse also happens.

It is up to parents to bring safety and confidence to all their children. All are loved, and their needs and idiosyncrasies are met. The aim is to minimize the risk of jealousy attacks breaking out.

Strategies for dealing with outbursts of jealousy

The crises of jealousy between brothers and sisters manifest themselves in several ways: anger or bad behavior, regressions at stages already taken, arguments.

However, parents can minimize the risk of outbursts of jealousy occurring. Here are some possible strategies:

• Every child needs to be cared for and loved according to their personality and individual characteristics.
• Parents must create spaces for meeting and sharing between brothers and sisters.
• Boundaries and rules must exist between brothers and sisters. No matter how angry they are, they can’t stop talking to each other or going to sleep or waking up without saying goodnight or hello. They also cannot insult or disrespect each other, or resort to physical violence to resolve their differences.
• There must be times when parents take personal care of the needs of each child.
• Children should be explained that their parents do not love one more than the other. However, saying it is not enough: it is necessary to prove it to them on a daily basis.
• Parents should avoid preferential treatment and preferences towards one child or another.
• The comparisons between the children are absolutely prohibited.
• If children argue, parents should prevent them from resorting to violence. They must be given the tools so that they can resolve their differences.

When fits of jealousy between siblings turn into open rivalry or even physical confrontations, one must find the support of a therapist or psychologist. Likewise, help should also be sought if one of the children becomes locked into a regressive, depressive or aggressive attitude.

Final reflection

Respect for the individuality of each child is fundamental to avoid crises of jealousy between brothers and sisters. Likewise, parents are the ones who cultivate love and respect among children.

A child who has received love and respect from his parents, who has shared time and games with his parents, is simply a happy child. He has learned to bond with his parents and surely will learn to bond with his siblings.

In turn, it is up to parents to devote the same quality of time, love and respect to their other children. This does not guarantee that there will not be moments of arguments between siblings. But the latter will on the other hand be able to resolve their differences, because each one will be sure of his place in the hearts of his parents.